Some of you may have seen that today I am taking a mental health day. Actually, yesterday I was taken off the victim of immaculate conception list and got my period. I thank God because I really was not prepared for a child; especially the child being the future son of God/Mankind.
If you need me I'll be in bed overdosing on extra strength Tylenol and munching on the cupcakes I got Raquel for her birthday (sorry Raq) while watching a vicious marathon of ANTM.
To sum it all up "Mental Heath Day" sounds a hell of alot better than "I'm a big puss and can't handle my monthly flow."
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Three Things.
1. I have bathroom relief for approximately 2 weeks and couldnt be happier. "The Culprit," as we will now refer to him, has gone home to the motherland for two weeks!
2. I mentioned before that my neighborhood is a tad ghetto fab. Well it's turning into an episode of Homicide: Life on the streets. I say this mainly because there has been a homicide on my street. I know this because I walked by this tree that was covered, leaves to roots, in stuffed animals. Usually seeing this sort of scene would make one think; car accident. We've all seen them on the side of the road with the crosses, flowers, teddy bears, etc. I also knew it was a shooting because I heard it said in a passing conversation. There were TONS of middle school aged children hanging around the memorial and I heard one say "yeah yo, those bitches shot him and ran like a motherfucker."
For some reason, this didn't scare me at all. I guess it really didn't sink in until I walked by today and there was a reward on the tree along with all the memorial paraphernalia. REWARD: $25,000 to anyone with substantial information regarding the homicide of this person (picture).
This brings me to another thought. A baffling one at that. Let's discuss memorials of unfortunate deaths such as a shooting or car accident. Flowers, I get. Crosses, Im right there with you. Teddy bears and other stuffed animals, I do not understand. What are we at a carnival? Six Flags? What is up with all the oversized, flourescent kiddie toys? The person that passed, at least in this homicide situation, was not a child. I feel like the street vendor across the street should switch from hot dogs to cotton candy and funnell cakes. Shit, let's send a 3 ring circus down the street while we're at it.
3. I feel sorry for anyone that crosses paths with my PMS alter ego today...I feel real bad.
2. I mentioned before that my neighborhood is a tad ghetto fab. Well it's turning into an episode of Homicide: Life on the streets. I say this mainly because there has been a homicide on my street. I know this because I walked by this tree that was covered, leaves to roots, in stuffed animals. Usually seeing this sort of scene would make one think; car accident. We've all seen them on the side of the road with the crosses, flowers, teddy bears, etc. I also knew it was a shooting because I heard it said in a passing conversation. There were TONS of middle school aged children hanging around the memorial and I heard one say "yeah yo, those bitches shot him and ran like a motherfucker."
For some reason, this didn't scare me at all. I guess it really didn't sink in until I walked by today and there was a reward on the tree along with all the memorial paraphernalia. REWARD: $25,000 to anyone with substantial information regarding the homicide of this person (picture).
This brings me to another thought. A baffling one at that. Let's discuss memorials of unfortunate deaths such as a shooting or car accident. Flowers, I get. Crosses, Im right there with you. Teddy bears and other stuffed animals, I do not understand. What are we at a carnival? Six Flags? What is up with all the oversized, flourescent kiddie toys? The person that passed, at least in this homicide situation, was not a child. I feel like the street vendor across the street should switch from hot dogs to cotton candy and funnell cakes. Shit, let's send a 3 ring circus down the street while we're at it.
3. I feel sorry for anyone that crosses paths with my PMS alter ego today...I feel real bad.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Inauguration Rejuvination Revisted.
Inauguration weekend I had the pleasure of being invited to the Green Inauguration Ball. Raquel and I, already being a pitcher of Margarita's in when we made these plans, created for a difficult planning schedule. Somehow we drunkenly ventured to Pentagon City and purchased ball gowns. Raquel, Bo and I hail a taxi and are on our way to the Mellon Auditorium on Constitution Avenue. We got to the ball just in time to avert a hangover setting in.
I am completely stoked to attend the Green Ball. I am so into the hippie lifestyle. If I could live my life as one of the Chicks that set up house in the treetops of "Without a Paddle," I could die a happy gal. Everything at the ball was organic; the food, the drinks, the table linens, everything. The theme was "Maximum Celebration, Minimal Impact." We most definitely celebrated Mr. Obama's Presidency to the fuckin' max. Hayden Panitierre gave a save the whales speech and Wyclef performed.
All the older guests donned long, gray braided hair and no one shaved their legs. I fit right in. I met several interesting people who were really passionate about recycling, water preservation and other humanity issues. I imagine people from Greenpeace were amongst the crowd as well as some cast members of Whale Wars.
The most interesting character was one Bo befriended. He was a langly older white man sporting a blonde curly afro. We find out that he is a retired porn star. Now it all makes sense! Several pictures are taken because this guy is clearly the joke of the evening. Please see Bo and "Shaggy" the retired porn star below.
Flash Forward. I go to get my hair done today at PR and Partners in Metro Center. We decide on my hair (touched up the roots with some honey highlights-I know you were DYING to know) and I pick up Glamour and start to relax a little while, LaTrece, who specializes in "ethic" hair, goes to mix the color.
I am prepped to be primped. I look around to take in the scenery of the trendy salon. When I see something ASTONISHING. SHAGGY, in all his pride and glory, was sitting across from me getting a permanent. Yes a fucking perm. DIE. I am DYING.
If I would have had my phone I would have speed dialed everyone I knew. Here I am, getting my hair did, sitting across from a retired porn star who is in the process of getting a perm. I'm living on top of the world. Wait, I am the king of the world.
I go to get shampooed and recieve my complimentary head massage (which I check marked relaxing in my consultation). There he is, next to me again. He has his cotton swab around his hairline and a moist towel on his face (haha-moist). The stylist assistant is gently applying the chemical mixtures to the baby pink rollers in his dirty blonde hair. I can now openly stare and laugh as his face was covered. I AM DYING!
I head back to LaTrece's station for the cut. I forget about Shaggy for a while. I forgot mainly because I saw about 5 inches of my hair being chopped to smithereens. Suddenly, an extra from Saturday Night Fever enters the room all blow dried and permed up. I wish I could say he was wearing a leisure suite, pleather platform tuxedo shoes and doing the hustle under a glistening dosco ball. Hey, a girl can dream cant she?
I think I just added 10 years to my life from the enjoyment I had this evening. I am so satisfied, I am staying in. Well, maybe I am staying in because LaTrece styled my hair like Sally Field in Gidget but that's for me to know and you to find out.
I am completely stoked to attend the Green Ball. I am so into the hippie lifestyle. If I could live my life as one of the Chicks that set up house in the treetops of "Without a Paddle," I could die a happy gal. Everything at the ball was organic; the food, the drinks, the table linens, everything. The theme was "Maximum Celebration, Minimal Impact." We most definitely celebrated Mr. Obama's Presidency to the fuckin' max. Hayden Panitierre gave a save the whales speech and Wyclef performed.
All the older guests donned long, gray braided hair and no one shaved their legs. I fit right in. I met several interesting people who were really passionate about recycling, water preservation and other humanity issues. I imagine people from Greenpeace were amongst the crowd as well as some cast members of Whale Wars.
The most interesting character was one Bo befriended. He was a langly older white man sporting a blonde curly afro. We find out that he is a retired porn star. Now it all makes sense! Several pictures are taken because this guy is clearly the joke of the evening. Please see Bo and "Shaggy" the retired porn star below.
Flash Forward. I go to get my hair done today at PR and Partners in Metro Center. We decide on my hair (touched up the roots with some honey highlights-I know you were DYING to know) and I pick up Glamour and start to relax a little while, LaTrece, who specializes in "ethic" hair, goes to mix the color.
I am prepped to be primped. I look around to take in the scenery of the trendy salon. When I see something ASTONISHING. SHAGGY, in all his pride and glory, was sitting across from me getting a permanent. Yes a fucking perm. DIE. I am DYING.
If I would have had my phone I would have speed dialed everyone I knew. Here I am, getting my hair did, sitting across from a retired porn star who is in the process of getting a perm. I'm living on top of the world. Wait, I am the king of the world.
I go to get shampooed and recieve my complimentary head massage (which I check marked relaxing in my consultation). There he is, next to me again. He has his cotton swab around his hairline and a moist towel on his face (haha-moist). The stylist assistant is gently applying the chemical mixtures to the baby pink rollers in his dirty blonde hair. I can now openly stare and laugh as his face was covered. I AM DYING!
I head back to LaTrece's station for the cut. I forget about Shaggy for a while. I forgot mainly because I saw about 5 inches of my hair being chopped to smithereens. Suddenly, an extra from Saturday Night Fever enters the room all blow dried and permed up. I wish I could say he was wearing a leisure suite, pleather platform tuxedo shoes and doing the hustle under a glistening dosco ball. Hey, a girl can dream cant she?
I think I just added 10 years to my life from the enjoyment I had this evening. I am so satisfied, I am staying in. Well, maybe I am staying in because LaTrece styled my hair like Sally Field in Gidget but that's for me to know and you to find out.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
A Shit-aaay Situation.
Now I need to vent. Someone is about to seriously go down here. Just for ONE day, I would like a normal bathroom experience but some fucking dipshit over at the office next door keeps royally ruining it for me.
I drink alot of coffee and water throughout the day so I go pretty regularly. I would also like to add that our porters (fancy term for janitors) clean this restroom every two hours. YET on several trips throughout the day I find piss all over the toilet seat, all over the floor surrounding the toilet and random pubic hairs in the general vacinity. There are sometimes vomit stains also. If that's not enough to make a gal toss their cookies, then I dont know what will.
The worst part is I have come to take a few seconds to decide if I can stomach to clean it for this particilar use or venture to another restroom. Most of the time I wipe the seat (if there are no hairs) and continue on with my business. If I am wearing pants, I abort the mission completely. I have learned on one too many occasion that piss rimmed pant legs don't make for a comfortable afternoon.
Why not use another restroom you ask? This is the only one on my floor. The issue is that my favorite restroom is unisex. In an ideal world, I would lightniing bolt myself up the stairs to the next floor and use the facilites there. The problem is there is a gate that only allows people to come down and not up. So no stair option.
I turn and press the button to the service elevator. The office joke is that the people on the bottom rung of the ladder use this elevator. In a similar fashion to the help using the back door. GODDAMMIT, this takes forever. By now, I am usually dancing. Some Porter, Engineer, Contractor, Mailman must be blocking it.
So I book it to the main lobby with a panic look on my face. The Concierge always gives me a wierd look. I press the button to go up and wait...wait...wait. Its lunchtime which constitutes high elevator usage. I am praying to GOD I make it.
Anyway, one should not have to go through this in their work environment. It is stressful and I am really surprised I have not developed any kidney disorders at this point. I KNOW who the culprit is. Yes, I know it's you, you short little indian man. Your office and mine are the only ones with a key. I know you piss all over the place, NEVER lift the damn seat and I have been told on more than one occasion you dont wash your hands (I use paper towels to open the door and kick it shut with a swift jujitsu of the foot). This is a Class A fucking building and we are now paying our porters OT to clean up your mess. This should not be one of my main concerns throughout the work day. So in conclusion, I am literally in a "shitty" situation. haha get it? A shitty situation....
I drink alot of coffee and water throughout the day so I go pretty regularly. I would also like to add that our porters (fancy term for janitors) clean this restroom every two hours. YET on several trips throughout the day I find piss all over the toilet seat, all over the floor surrounding the toilet and random pubic hairs in the general vacinity. There are sometimes vomit stains also. If that's not enough to make a gal toss their cookies, then I dont know what will.
The worst part is I have come to take a few seconds to decide if I can stomach to clean it for this particilar use or venture to another restroom. Most of the time I wipe the seat (if there are no hairs) and continue on with my business. If I am wearing pants, I abort the mission completely. I have learned on one too many occasion that piss rimmed pant legs don't make for a comfortable afternoon.
Why not use another restroom you ask? This is the only one on my floor. The issue is that my favorite restroom is unisex. In an ideal world, I would lightniing bolt myself up the stairs to the next floor and use the facilites there. The problem is there is a gate that only allows people to come down and not up. So no stair option.
I turn and press the button to the service elevator. The office joke is that the people on the bottom rung of the ladder use this elevator. In a similar fashion to the help using the back door. GODDAMMIT, this takes forever. By now, I am usually dancing. Some Porter, Engineer, Contractor, Mailman must be blocking it.
So I book it to the main lobby with a panic look on my face. The Concierge always gives me a wierd look. I press the button to go up and wait...wait...wait. Its lunchtime which constitutes high elevator usage. I am praying to GOD I make it.
Anyway, one should not have to go through this in their work environment. It is stressful and I am really surprised I have not developed any kidney disorders at this point. I KNOW who the culprit is. Yes, I know it's you, you short little indian man. Your office and mine are the only ones with a key. I know you piss all over the place, NEVER lift the damn seat and I have been told on more than one occasion you dont wash your hands (I use paper towels to open the door and kick it shut with a swift jujitsu of the foot). This is a Class A fucking building and we are now paying our porters OT to clean up your mess. This should not be one of my main concerns throughout the work day. So in conclusion, I am literally in a "shitty" situation. haha get it? A shitty situation....
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Your Money Spot.
This is an excerpt written for one of my friends who is an airline pilot and had to miss this week's Ep of Idol. Yet another reason Canada sucks...here goes y'all!
You're missin something special Tom! Its the 300th episode. Besides it being the hometown visits, the contestants will sing two songs; one of their choice and one of the judges choice. There will be six performances and most likely a commercial. I will number everything for you. Danny's up first.
1. Paula chooses "Dance little sister" I, personally have never heard of it.
The judges responses:
Randy - "Dope"
Kara - "We saw your "money spot" but no gyrating please." Money spot Kara? For some reason that coupled with the word gyrate simply makes me uncomfortable.
Paula -" Im a choreographer and you did fantastic." We have come to expect nothing less from Paula. Although, I am still having nightmares from her performance last week.
Simon - Agrees with Kara - The dancing was desperate but vocally very good and lets loose the toy saxophone next time."
Danny retorts, "Whatevs I wanna SANG that SONG!"
Simon punches Paula in the left breast and we go to the first commercial break.
2. Kara and Randy pick "Apologize" by One Republic for Kris. I noticed at this point that he has neon blue nail polish painted on half of one of his thumbs. He starts at the piano and I am instantly turned on. They zoom in on his hands playing the piano and the polish is gone. The applause is more distinct than Danny's was.
Randy - "This is your genre. It shows us who you can be in the future."
Kara - "Confident. You need to swing it out of the park at this stage of the competition. You should have made it more your own."
Paula - "Right range for you. One bum note but Im proud of you anyway."
Simon - "You just contradicted yourself Paula. Kara, you chose that song and then blamed the horrendous arrangement on him. You contradict yourself as well"...i.e. You're all idiots.
I think another boob punch may be on the way. Kara has her hands suffocating Simon's mouth. Someone may die tonight.
3. Here's my boy...Adam Lambert. Simon chooses "One" by U2 (one of my personal fave's). He has on the same nail polish as Chris on ALL of his fingers. His influence astounds me. It was Bono's pleasure to have Adam sing the song. Now Bono is practically GOD so I raise the roof to you Adam. The first "one love" sounds like Angels watching over me...great I just shed a tear. "We ARE one!" I feel you babe.
Randy - "You in da zone. Hot since day one. You went to far off the melody." This immediately constitues a boistering BOOOO from Simon.
Kara - "You're a strategist. You changed it all around and made it unbeliveable."
Paula - "Im miserable sitting next to Simon gloating. It was brilliant. I am staring at an Idol ight now."
Simon - "I may be biased but that was a brilliant song choice. You did brilliant. Everything was brilliant. You are brilliant." What's the word of the day? Apparently brilliant.
"Adam...if you rewind the song back at home and listen to the lyrics...they are really beautiful." Yes, yes they are. That song is my hope for the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fight agaist malaria featuring Carrie Underwoood. The scene is set in Africa and the idols are in the backround singing none other than Toto's "Africa." Idol has raised 250 million (The number could be wrong). Carrie spouts out some statistics on Malaria, bednets, children...America is crying again. Again, we are one. Idol gives back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. Its the last chance for GOGO GOKEY to make an impression before the finale. "You are so beautiful" by Joe Cocker. The pride of Milwakeee.
Randy - "I love you showed you are here because you can really, really, really, really sing.
Kara - "Everything you didnt do in the first performance you just did...nothing else to say."
Paula - "You left us breathless. You did magic to that."
Simon - "Wrong arrangement. Otherwise that was a vocal masterclass."
I can't really give you my opinion on this one as I soberly blacked out during this performance. That should tell you enough.
"I came out here with a fresh mind and a fresh heart and i did what I did!"
5. "Heartless" by Kanye West. I am soooooo nervous. Wait!!!!!!!!!!...he is strummin on that acoustic guitar and I think I actually like it. "In the night, I hear them talk.." In the night I just lost my soul to Kris Allen.
Randy - "Toughest voting night in idol history! Better than the original!"
Kara - "Why didnt you do that with Apologize? Acoustic guitar = Fearless. Hot! Hot! Hot!
Paula - "You are the bravest because you sang a song about Simon. I commend you. Bravo!"
Simon - "I thought the song choice was lame and I had written you out of the competition. That, however, has changed after that perfomance."
6. What the hell is Adam Lambert going to pick??? Aerosmith. My heart just skipped a beat. I can already hear Steven Tyler's shrill scream. What Danny should have sounded like last week. "Cryin'" "There was a time when I was so brokenhearted"...not when you sing lover. The backround singer is taking over and i want her to shut the F up. Thanks. aaaaahhhhhhhh...
Randy - "Yo, dude. You one of the best we have ever had. Charismatic...please rock me you rock star!"
Kara - "How do you hit those notes and still talk the next day? We'll see you at the finals."
Paula - "Steven Tyler would have nothing to mentor you for. Your frequent flyer miles will be taking you anywhere you want to go." WTF???
Simon - "Im not going to suck up. Its easy to assume that you will sail through to the finals. So America do not assume and Vote for Adam."
It's up to you America...to choose the next idol.
Here are the numbers once again
For Danny:
1 866 idols 01
1 866 idols 04
1 866 idols 07
For Kris:
1 866 idols 02
1 866 idols 05
1 866 idols 08
For Adam:
1 866 idols 03
1 866 idols 06
1 866 idols 09
So clearly I will have my usual bout of insomnia this evening pondering who is going to win. If you need a recap tomorrow just let me know bro.
You're missin something special Tom! Its the 300th episode. Besides it being the hometown visits, the contestants will sing two songs; one of their choice and one of the judges choice. There will be six performances and most likely a commercial. I will number everything for you. Danny's up first.
1. Paula chooses "Dance little sister" I, personally have never heard of it.
The judges responses:
Randy - "Dope"
Kara - "We saw your "money spot" but no gyrating please." Money spot Kara? For some reason that coupled with the word gyrate simply makes me uncomfortable.
Paula -" Im a choreographer and you did fantastic." We have come to expect nothing less from Paula. Although, I am still having nightmares from her performance last week.
Simon - Agrees with Kara - The dancing was desperate but vocally very good and lets loose the toy saxophone next time."
Danny retorts, "Whatevs I wanna SANG that SONG!"
Simon punches Paula in the left breast and we go to the first commercial break.
2. Kara and Randy pick "Apologize" by One Republic for Kris. I noticed at this point that he has neon blue nail polish painted on half of one of his thumbs. He starts at the piano and I am instantly turned on. They zoom in on his hands playing the piano and the polish is gone. The applause is more distinct than Danny's was.
Randy - "This is your genre. It shows us who you can be in the future."
Kara - "Confident. You need to swing it out of the park at this stage of the competition. You should have made it more your own."
Paula - "Right range for you. One bum note but Im proud of you anyway."
Simon - "You just contradicted yourself Paula. Kara, you chose that song and then blamed the horrendous arrangement on him. You contradict yourself as well"...i.e. You're all idiots.
I think another boob punch may be on the way. Kara has her hands suffocating Simon's mouth. Someone may die tonight.
3. Here's my boy...Adam Lambert. Simon chooses "One" by U2 (one of my personal fave's). He has on the same nail polish as Chris on ALL of his fingers. His influence astounds me. It was Bono's pleasure to have Adam sing the song. Now Bono is practically GOD so I raise the roof to you Adam. The first "one love" sounds like Angels watching over me...great I just shed a tear. "We ARE one!" I feel you babe.
Randy - "You in da zone. Hot since day one. You went to far off the melody." This immediately constitues a boistering BOOOO from Simon.
Kara - "You're a strategist. You changed it all around and made it unbeliveable."
Paula - "Im miserable sitting next to Simon gloating. It was brilliant. I am staring at an Idol ight now."
Simon - "I may be biased but that was a brilliant song choice. You did brilliant. Everything was brilliant. You are brilliant." What's the word of the day? Apparently brilliant.
"Adam...if you rewind the song back at home and listen to the lyrics...they are really beautiful." Yes, yes they are. That song is my hope for the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fight agaist malaria featuring Carrie Underwoood. The scene is set in Africa and the idols are in the backround singing none other than Toto's "Africa." Idol has raised 250 million (The number could be wrong). Carrie spouts out some statistics on Malaria, bednets, children...America is crying again. Again, we are one. Idol gives back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. Its the last chance for GOGO GOKEY to make an impression before the finale. "You are so beautiful" by Joe Cocker. The pride of Milwakeee.
Randy - "I love you showed you are here because you can really, really, really, really sing.
Kara - "Everything you didnt do in the first performance you just did...nothing else to say."
Paula - "You left us breathless. You did magic to that."
Simon - "Wrong arrangement. Otherwise that was a vocal masterclass."
I can't really give you my opinion on this one as I soberly blacked out during this performance. That should tell you enough.
"I came out here with a fresh mind and a fresh heart and i did what I did!"
5. "Heartless" by Kanye West. I am soooooo nervous. Wait!!!!!!!!!!...he is strummin on that acoustic guitar and I think I actually like it. "In the night, I hear them talk.." In the night I just lost my soul to Kris Allen.
Randy - "Toughest voting night in idol history! Better than the original!"
Kara - "Why didnt you do that with Apologize? Acoustic guitar = Fearless. Hot! Hot! Hot!
Paula - "You are the bravest because you sang a song about Simon. I commend you. Bravo!"
Simon - "I thought the song choice was lame and I had written you out of the competition. That, however, has changed after that perfomance."
6. What the hell is Adam Lambert going to pick??? Aerosmith. My heart just skipped a beat. I can already hear Steven Tyler's shrill scream. What Danny should have sounded like last week. "Cryin'" "There was a time when I was so brokenhearted"...not when you sing lover. The backround singer is taking over and i want her to shut the F up. Thanks. aaaaahhhhhhhh...
Randy - "Yo, dude. You one of the best we have ever had. Charismatic...please rock me you rock star!"
Kara - "How do you hit those notes and still talk the next day? We'll see you at the finals."
Paula - "Steven Tyler would have nothing to mentor you for. Your frequent flyer miles will be taking you anywhere you want to go." WTF???
Simon - "Im not going to suck up. Its easy to assume that you will sail through to the finals. So America do not assume and Vote for Adam."
It's up to you America...to choose the next idol.
Here are the numbers once again
For Danny:
1 866 idols 01
1 866 idols 04
1 866 idols 07
For Kris:
1 866 idols 02
1 866 idols 05
1 866 idols 08
For Adam:
1 866 idols 03
1 866 idols 06
1 866 idols 09
So clearly I will have my usual bout of insomnia this evening pondering who is going to win. If you need a recap tomorrow just let me know bro.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Ovie Wan Kenovie.
So apparently there is an insect problem in our apartment. We had to have an exterminator come and put down traps and sprays and all that lovely stuff. I guess this is what comes of living in a basement in DC. One of the main bugs (besides spiders, slugs, ants) are moths. They are constantly flying around everywhere; in my clothes, in my face, all up in my biz-nass. You can imagine my shock and horror after I have been on the subway for 20 minutes this morning when a moth flies out of my purse. Embarassment #1.
Saturday I went to dinner with two of my gal pals. After dinner we met up with more friends at Caddies for a cocktail in Bethesda. I then left Bethesda and went back into the city to meet up with Amanda at Tattoo Bar. Upon entering, I meet up with Amanda in the restroom line and the owner asks us if we would like to sit on the private balcony. Obvi!!!!!. Hand me a bottle of Grey Goose and smack me silly! I walk up the stairs and onto the balcony to find none other than Capitals hockey star/stud/god Mr. Alex Ovechkin! He introduced himself as "Ryan" to us, which I found sort of odd but hey I can roll with the best of them. I mean shit I got my first black eye at the age of 11 playing street hockey. So if you're interested in a role-play type situation, Mr Ovechkin, we can sure work something out!
At this point, I discover something new about myself. I get mute around celebrities. Like a bumbling retard, I cant speak. I was about as taken aback as the time I first noticed I had vericose veins. I stood in the corner dancing by myself while Amanda did all the talking. She's pretty good at charming the pants off people; literally. I, on the other hand, was trying to do some sexy, provacative moves but looking back on it...I probably looked like a drunken episode of intervention. Picture it: Arms flailing in the air grabbing things in it's grasp; the ceiling, the D.J., the crowd. After about 10 minutes of my Elaine Benes thrusts they kicked us out and threw in a batch of new girls. Ego buster/Embarassment #2.
Can I complain about my co-worker really fast? Thanks. It's just because he keeps interrupting my bloggins. His last name is Gafeller (pronounced GAY-feller). For REALS, I kid you not! He comes in the office and just stands there and doesnt speak, mute if you will, sort of like me and Mr. Ovechkin. He stares and breathes LOUDLY through his nose. He has three phrases he says and thats it.
1. Havin' fun yet? I told him I AM NOT AND WILL NEVER respond to this question EVER again, yet he still asks me if Im "havin' fun yet" 472.3 times a day. I just look at him with a blank stare.
2. Alrighty then! Its annoying from Ace Ventura and its even more annoying coming from you. He always says this when he is exiting the room. It usually constitutes an eye roll from me.
3. Yippee!!!!!...what are you 5?
He argues EVERYTHING with you and is a major Debbie Downer. Thanks for listening guys and sorry my rants never have anything to do with previous topics.
ALLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRI
IIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYY THEN! -I'm out!
Saturday I went to dinner with two of my gal pals. After dinner we met up with more friends at Caddies for a cocktail in Bethesda. I then left Bethesda and went back into the city to meet up with Amanda at Tattoo Bar. Upon entering, I meet up with Amanda in the restroom line and the owner asks us if we would like to sit on the private balcony. Obvi!!!!!. Hand me a bottle of Grey Goose and smack me silly! I walk up the stairs and onto the balcony to find none other than Capitals hockey star/stud/god Mr. Alex Ovechkin! He introduced himself as "Ryan" to us, which I found sort of odd but hey I can roll with the best of them. I mean shit I got my first black eye at the age of 11 playing street hockey. So if you're interested in a role-play type situation, Mr Ovechkin, we can sure work something out!
At this point, I discover something new about myself. I get mute around celebrities. Like a bumbling retard, I cant speak. I was about as taken aback as the time I first noticed I had vericose veins. I stood in the corner dancing by myself while Amanda did all the talking. She's pretty good at charming the pants off people; literally. I, on the other hand, was trying to do some sexy, provacative moves but looking back on it...I probably looked like a drunken episode of intervention. Picture it: Arms flailing in the air grabbing things in it's grasp; the ceiling, the D.J., the crowd. After about 10 minutes of my Elaine Benes thrusts they kicked us out and threw in a batch of new girls. Ego buster/Embarassment #2.
Can I complain about my co-worker really fast? Thanks. It's just because he keeps interrupting my bloggins. His last name is Gafeller (pronounced GAY-feller). For REALS, I kid you not! He comes in the office and just stands there and doesnt speak, mute if you will, sort of like me and Mr. Ovechkin. He stares and breathes LOUDLY through his nose. He has three phrases he says and thats it.
1. Havin' fun yet? I told him I AM NOT AND WILL NEVER respond to this question EVER again, yet he still asks me if Im "havin' fun yet" 472.3 times a day. I just look at him with a blank stare.
2. Alrighty then! Its annoying from Ace Ventura and its even more annoying coming from you. He always says this when he is exiting the room. It usually constitutes an eye roll from me.
3. Yippee!!!!!...what are you 5?
He argues EVERYTHING with you and is a major Debbie Downer. Thanks for listening guys and sorry my rants never have anything to do with previous topics.
ALLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRI
Friday, May 1, 2009
"Dude, What happened to your face?"
Happy Earth Week! I decided to kick off the start of Earth Week celebrating in the correct way. Three of my girlfriends and I meet at Federal Triangle, dressed in workout attire with a full picnik lunch on our backs. Our plan was to rent bikes and complete a self guided tour of the monuments. $25 bones for the entire day!
We began at the Washington Monument. The day was absolutely gorgeous and my expectations were high. Immediately, I am taken aback by the beauty of our Nation's Capitol and have never been so proud to be a DC resident. We travel to the Lincoln, Jefferson, WWII, walk through the Depression memorial (not so depressing!)and somehow end up in Arlington Cemetery.
Feeling a little tired, we find a romantic spot for our picnik lunch. We all enjoy a nice glass of organic wine (it comes in a neat recycled carton), several types of international cheeses, and finger sandwiches. After soaking up the rays for a couple hours, we decide to head on back (I am redder than a fire ant at a picnik on a hot summer's day ).
I was enjoying the last leg of the tour when tragedy suddenly ensues. Directly in front several crowds of tourists surrounding the monument, my bike skids, slips on some gravel and rockets me towards the concrete. It sort of reminded me of getting thrown from a horse; much like my sister did when I used to drive her to her riding lessons. Luckily my FACE broke the fall and I slid about 5 feet along the pavement.
The first thought that goes through my mind other than "Am I alive?" is THANK GOD I checked the "Yes I would like a helmet" box on the security waiver or I 'd probably be even more brain damaged than I already am.
My injuries involve:
1. A busted face. My chin has a large scab from the pavement across the entire thing. I am self concious about it because it is also very swollen and bruised. When I was a freshman in HS, Colin Loughlin told me I had a "Jay Leno Chin." Now probably even more so. I still hate him for that.
2. A busted right shoulder. My shoulder also has a large scrape/scab mark and my rotator cuff is pretty sore from the impact - much like whiplash in a car wreck.
3. My right breast - also mangled. I am assuming that upon inpact the concrete shoved my sports bra down. Was I exposed?
4. The worst is my knee. It is swollen to the size of a golf ball and hurts to walk.
On Earth Week, the Earth and I most definitely threw some boes but I kicked Earths ass. Here's why. Sometimes when life pushes you down you just gotta get back up and keep goin'. Thats what I did. After taking a short breather, putting the chain back on my bike, straightening out the front wheel and trying not to burst into tears. I got back on and I finished the race. Take that Earth! I don't go down without a fight mutherfucker.
My FML point. I was totally ready to go into mayjah groupie mode on Friday...get some dirty, bearded rock-n-rolla ass BUT I look like the victim of a domestic dispute. If I do achieve my goal of meeting K.O.L. they'll probably just ask me the same question that EVERYONE has asked me since the incident "Dude, what happened to your FACE?"
We began at the Washington Monument. The day was absolutely gorgeous and my expectations were high. Immediately, I am taken aback by the beauty of our Nation's Capitol and have never been so proud to be a DC resident. We travel to the Lincoln, Jefferson, WWII, walk through the Depression memorial (not so depressing!)and somehow end up in Arlington Cemetery.
Feeling a little tired, we find a romantic spot for our picnik lunch. We all enjoy a nice glass of organic wine (it comes in a neat recycled carton), several types of international cheeses, and finger sandwiches. After soaking up the rays for a couple hours, we decide to head on back (I am redder than a fire ant at a picnik on a hot summer's day ).
I was enjoying the last leg of the tour when tragedy suddenly ensues. Directly in front several crowds of tourists surrounding the monument, my bike skids, slips on some gravel and rockets me towards the concrete. It sort of reminded me of getting thrown from a horse; much like my sister did when I used to drive her to her riding lessons. Luckily my FACE broke the fall and I slid about 5 feet along the pavement.
The first thought that goes through my mind other than "Am I alive?" is THANK GOD I checked the "Yes I would like a helmet" box on the security waiver or I 'd probably be even more brain damaged than I already am.
My injuries involve:
1. A busted face. My chin has a large scab from the pavement across the entire thing. I am self concious about it because it is also very swollen and bruised. When I was a freshman in HS, Colin Loughlin told me I had a "Jay Leno Chin." Now probably even more so. I still hate him for that.
2. A busted right shoulder. My shoulder also has a large scrape/scab mark and my rotator cuff is pretty sore from the impact - much like whiplash in a car wreck.
3. My right breast - also mangled. I am assuming that upon inpact the concrete shoved my sports bra down. Was I exposed?
4. The worst is my knee. It is swollen to the size of a golf ball and hurts to walk.
On Earth Week, the Earth and I most definitely threw some boes but I kicked Earths ass. Here's why. Sometimes when life pushes you down you just gotta get back up and keep goin'. Thats what I did. After taking a short breather, putting the chain back on my bike, straightening out the front wheel and trying not to burst into tears. I got back on and I finished the race. Take that Earth! I don't go down without a fight mutherfucker.
My FML point. I was totally ready to go into mayjah groupie mode on Friday...get some dirty, bearded rock-n-rolla ass BUT I look like the victim of a domestic dispute. If I do achieve my goal of meeting K.O.L. they'll probably just ask me the same question that EVERYONE has asked me since the incident "Dude, what happened to your FACE?"
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